I sent my backpack ahead again because the walk was to be 13 miles and anything over 10 miles to me was a killer. I decided I’d try to carry my pack every day the distance was 10 miles or less, but I’d see how my resolve would hold up. After all, it only cost 5 euros to send a bag ahead, making the way much more pleasant. Yet. I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty when I did it.
In the morning, still feeling heavy over the previous night’s events, I walked with Carolyn from Iowa 5.3 km to Larrasoaña, which had been sheltering pilgrims for almost a thousand years, and another 3.8km to Zuriáin. I shared with her about my loved one. Carolyn had had numerous problems with her son while he was in college at Notre Dame. He stopped showing up for class and she had to give permission for the university to go into his apartment to check on him. He had to lose a semester and then reapply. Another time he was taken to a hospital in a semi-comatose state. He finally got himself together and graduated in May in IT Management. This conversation eased my fears and made me feel less alone. On the other hand, she told of her schizophrenic sister who is into Morgan Horses and hears voices. I felt anxiety clutch me inside, thinking about my loved one.
I believed this sharing among pilgrims is one of the reasons that people say “the Camino provides.”
The path followed a level course through a wood. The río Arga bubbled along beside us. When we arrived at Zuriáin, we stopped at a lovely pilgrim cafe, La Parada de Zuriáin, alongside the river. Here, I ran into Ingrid, who had been walking with Stephanie from Maine, to whom she introduced me. I updated Ingrid about the phone call from last night, and they both expressed sympathy and wished our family well. Ingrid’s pace was faster than mine, so I said Buen Camino as they went ahead. I also let Carolyn go ahead because I needed some contemplative time.
The café was peaceful and relaxing. I ate a spinach tortilla and orange juice while sitting on the lawn. I took my socks off to inspect my feet. They were hurting and some of my toes were reddish, so I put on some moleskin. Claire, of the newlywed couple (Claire & Matt) I’d met at Suseia, offered to let me use her silk liner socks which seemed to help reduce the friction, although my feet and legs remained sore all day.
From Zuriáin, I fell into step with Claire, Matt, and John from Houston as we walked 3.3km to Zabaldika. Claire, an ESL teacher from Dayton, Ohio, had applied to teach English with the English Program in Korea (EPIK), just as I did from 2010-2011; she had an interview coming up in the next week. She asked me questions about working in Korea, and I told her she would most definitely get the job as she was already qualified. When I went, I was much less qualified.
The path continued alongside the río Arga, with splendid views and the soothing sound of running water.
Later, walking on to Puente de Arre (3.7km) alone with John, I got choked up as the conversation turned to my loved one. He told me his son dropped out of high school his freshman year but then was home-schooled, and that both of his kids have struggled with depression. John was carrying his pack and complaining of back pain. He was 66, retired from his career as an industrial salesperson, but his wife was still working in title insurance in Austin, TX and loved her job. She was to turn 63 on October 26, one day after my own 63rd birthday, so he’d return home by then. He and I stuck together for a long time, but I wished I could shake him because I desperately wanted quiet time.
Approaching Arleta, we stopped in the shade at a country house with a hermitage attached. The path leveled off and gave us a great view of the valley of the Arga. It was quite hot by this time, and we were exhausted. After this, we lost sight of the river.
We crossed the medieval bridge, Trinidad de Arre, with its six arches, and admired the río Ultzama. Just past that is a medieval hostel, but we were bound for Pamplona. On the calle Mayor (high street), we stopped at a cafe where I devoured some tapas – toast topped with skewered shrimp, an egg slice, and a little stuffed phyllo packet.
I left John behind to make the long slog (3.8km) through the city streets to the 12th century Puente de Magdalena and into Pamplona through the gates of the walled city. I was so tired I could hardly pick up my feet, so I stopped for a long while to rest on a bench, where John eventually caught up with me.
This long walk into Pamplona was jarring to the senses after walking all day on rural paths. The path was on hard city pavements and suburban streets with much traffic.

walking through the outskirts of Pamplona

the long slog into Pamplona

outskirts of Pamplona

getting closer to Pamplona
We crossed the famous pilgrim bridge, the 12th century Puente de Magdalena, and entered the city over the drawbridge and through the splendid Portal de Zumalacárregi, also called Portal de Francia, a reminder that Pamplona has welcomed pilgrims from France since medieval times.

Portal de Zumalacárregi

streets of old Pamplona

streets of old Pamplona
The urban part of today’s route ended at the door of the 15th century Cathedral of Santa María la Real. Just as the Way always passes by the main church in smaller towns, in the cities it runs to the cathedral.

Cathedral of Santa María la Real
Once in Pamplona, I checked into Albergue Plaza Cathedral, directly across from the cathedral. I was assigned a top bunk again. I planned to stay two nights in Pamplona. Out on the plaza, after doing my laundry and taking a shower, I had a glass of wine with Claire and Matt, Tim from Atlanta, a Brazilian girl, and Heather, who I’d met at Beilari. When I shared my struggles over my loved one, Heather said our family needed to have a plan in place for dealing with him in case he attempted suicide.

Cathedral of Santa María la Real
Feeling heavy and weary, I wandered around Pamplona and found myself in the midst of a lively festival and parade. Apparently, this festival is the Privilege of the Union, which commemorates the unification of the three parts of the city (La Navarrería, San Cernín and San Nicolás) into one in a treaty signed by King Carlos III in 1423. Each of the three boroughs at that time lost their individual walls and individual governments and opted to be governed by a single council and enclosed within the same city walls.

Festival in Pamplona
As I wandered aimlessly, I met up by accident with Lisa from Leesburg, Virginia (I’d met her in Orisson). We had dinner with another pilgrim named Sandy from Minnesota. I ate a tuna-egg salad with wine and shared some of Lisa’s risotto.
Lisa lost her sister Kathy 15 years ago but felt she’d never properly mourned her. Both of her flights to Spain were reported to be full, yet she had an empty seat beside her on both flights, as if Kathy were traveling with her. She got very emotional while sharing this. Later, when I shared the issues with my loved one, Sandy wasn’t sympathetic; she said it sounded like “a lot of drama,” as if to brush it off. I was quite taken aback by that.
It turned out Lisa had met Lindy and her partner on her flight from Dulles. I’d met Lindy on a hike with my Virginia hiking group in early spring and had talked to her a long time about her sons, who both live in Colorado, and her visit to Crestone, Colorado, where I ended up going last May to visit my youngest son. I hadn’t crossed paths with Lindy yet on the Camino; I knew she had planned to start on September 6, two days after I did, and Lisa said they’d made a stop in Bayonne for two nights.
Later, my loved one texted my husband to say he had an interview at Chipotle and the manager sounded positive but hadn’t called. He also had an interview with a garden center. That made me feel a little more hopeful. My husband planned to go to NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness), a group for relatives of mentally ill people, on Saturday.
*Day 4: Friday, September 7, 2018*
*35,418 steps, or 15.01 miles: Zubiri to Pamplona (20.9 km)*
You can find everything I’ve written so far on the Camino de Santiago here:
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On Sundays, I post about hikes or walks that I have taken in my travels; I may also post on other unrelated subjects. I will use these posts to participate in Jo’s Monday Walks or any other challenges that catch my fancy.
This post is in response to Jo’s Monday Walk: Fuseta at Blossom Time.
It is a long hard road, Cathy. It is understandable to be worried being so far away. I hope your husband gets some help from NAMI, including suggestions on how best to support your loved one in turn. Kind Regards. Tracy.
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Thanks so much, Tracy. It turned out that NAMI group was closing down, so it was one of their last meetings. We definitely need to find another group to attend that’s convenient and nearby so we’ll be able to attend regularly. Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂
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Good lucky, Cathy, and all the best.
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Oh, wow…what with knee and foot pain, and all the worries about your loved one, that sounds like a stressful day on the Camino
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It was a long day at 15 miles, Sue, and I was really feeling it, besides feeling emotionally drained. But it wasn’t nearly as stressful a day as the day before.
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Oh, that’s good to know
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A long hard road both physically and mentally. I am sure the weight of your anxiety was heavy on your mind this day. “the Camino provides” is a good saying. It provided you with many listeners so you didn’t have to carry the burden alone, even if they were not all sympathetic. I can’t understand people like that – why say anything? Whatever her thoughts on the subject she could have kept quiet. I hope things are calmer now you are home and that NAMI has been a help to you and Mike.
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For sure not everyone was sympathetic, Jude, but the ones who were came along at just the right time. There is nothing I dislike more than people who give unwanted advice, so I could never connect with those people. Sandy was right of course that there is a lot of drama surrounding my loved one, but his actions I believe are a result of his illness, which he refuses to acknowledge, not from some need to get attention and create drama. She just seemed like an uncaring person, and not endearing at all. This is what was interesting about the Camino. You have the angels who come along, and then you have the self-centered non-caring people, or people who are just surface acquaintances. I was always amazed when I really thought about how the Camino is simply a microcosm of life in general, removed from it yet a reflection of it. You meet people you love, people you hate, and everything in between, just like in life. As for NAMI, that meeting was closing down, and things got better for a while, much later in my Camino. I think it’s about time we find a group that is convenient so we can attend regularly.
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Hi. Like you said, the Camino provides. The time alone, sometimes for hours, force us to look at issues from all angles. Things get some kind of resolution somehow, good or bad. One simply has to get up the next day and move on to the next stage. Just like life. Keep faith.
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I don’t think I have ever had so much time alone just being and walking, and it was very good for me! Things did seem to get resolved, at least for a while, and it was a great exercise in offering problems to a higher power. I loved the whole experience of just getting up and putting one foot after the other, day after day. Thanks for your comment! 🙂
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Sounds like a long, tough road and many thoughts swirling. Glad you found sympathetic voices mostly. You are tough too.
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Thanks so much. It was tough but overall, the whole journey was very rewarding. 🙂
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I would think so – I am glad you did it, too late for me I think.
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I saw people walking in their 70s and 80s, so I doubt it’s too late for anyone. 🙂
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😀
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I read all you’ve written on your Camino walk with interest and often twice (this one especially) but I sometimes wonder why you are putting yourself through this. Are you making a sacrifice of some sort, appeasing the gods, or trying to arrest some dread happening? You speak of guilt at sending your suitcases ahead. Why feel guilty? Why not just rejoice in the fact that you can afford to do this? And, in all honesty, I cannot see what suffering tiredness, blistered feet, not good sleeping quarters can help a walk. I’ve never seen the sense of unnecessary pain, and I well remember Buddhist friends in Thailand being shocked when I told them of a mountain in Ireland famous for the fact that people climb to its summit on bleeding hands and knees. The Lord Buddha would not have wanted that, they told me, the idea is to have less suffering in the world, not more. With less suffering, we can do more to alleviate other’s pain. It is something that resonated with me. I hope you found peace at the end of the journey, but I am unable to comprehend the reason for it and I wish I could.
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Hi Mari, thanks for reading. I wrote an extensive post about why I chose to walk the Camino: https://wanderessence.com/2018/08/23/the-call-to-place-the-camino-de-santiago/
As for sending my bag ahead, I did feel bad about it for a while mainly because most other pilgrims did it, but after a bit I never cared and continued to send it ahead for the whole Camino (with the exception of two days). As for the pain, I actually felt pretty good the more that I walked, and I rarely got any blisters at all.
In the end, it turned out to be one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. It was difficult, sure, but sometimes in life overcoming difficulties makes one more confident, and makes one stronger. If it wouldn’t have been for the problems with my loved one, the ones I hoped to leave at home, it would have been pretty stress-free overall, as I made it a rule after a while to walk no more than 16-20 km/day, very doable. This particular day was quite early in the walk, and it was a long and hot day. Some days it was easy, some not. Just like life. 🙂
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You’re carrying far more than the burden of your backpack. It must have been so hard walking with terrified thoughts of your loved one. You also pinpoint two dilemmas of life that the Camino obviously doesn’t sort out: unreciprocated understanding, and unwanted company.
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It really was a burden, Meg, and it became a part of my Camino experience, whether I wanted it to or not. And you’re so right about your last observation: the Camino is a microcosm of life, so you find everything while on it, including unreciprocated understanding and unwanted company. xx
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Another tough day emotionally for you cathy. It must be a help to find sympathetic people to share your thoughts with, and again such beautiful scenery to walk through. I think sending your pack ahead is a brilliant idea and maybe that helped your knees to last the journey. I do hope your son is now finding his way. Life can be tough
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It was tough, Pauline, and it was a blessing as well to find people who shared bits about their own lives, which made me feel not so alone. Yes, sending my pack ahead was the best thing I could have ever done to be able to complete the Camino. Because of that, I was able to enjoy the whole experience so much more.
As of last week, my loved one was not finding his way, not by a long shot. He asked for space, so we haven’t spoken since last Tuesday. All we can do is take one day at a time. Thanks so much for your kind words.
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Thinking of you cathy.
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Thank you, Pauline. 🙂
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Your photos are excellent, and the photo of you is wonderful too, you look like you’ve been pushing yourself physically enough to let go of a lot of tension, in spite of all that you were carrying. There is a certain calmness behind the words here, in spite of the troubles. It’s hard to put into words, but there’s some kind of orderly, one step at a time feeling even to your narration. I admire you for doing the camino!
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Thank you, Lynn. It was a great tension release, just to push myself to walk and walk and walk. Overall, despite a number of bad days here and there, it was a highly rewarding and amazing experience. 🙂
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Hiya darlin! So sorry to arrive here so late! Good to see how many people have read this already. I didn’t get a pingback, Cathy. Never understand how that happens sometimes, but I’ll include you in next Monday’s walks. 🙂 🙂 I was admiring the lovely scenery at the beginning of this and Pamplona looks an interesting city, but nothing looks great when you’re feeling so tired and dispirited. I smiled over the guy that wouldn’t shut up, though. 🙂 People walking together always seem to feel the need to fill the silence and it isn’t always wanted. You must have heard so many stories along the way, Cathy! More fodder for a book. I hope things take a positive turn at home, hon. Sending hugs!
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Hi Jo, Thanks for dropping by! I know it happens sometimes that WordPress doesn’t get pingbacks and other things right. Like for instance, often your posts don’t appear in my Reader and I have to go search them out. I don’t know why that happens!
That guy John was certainly a nice enough man, but when you walk accompanied by someone for a long time, often you feel the need to talk even though you don’t have anything to say! It seems you can only walk along in companionable silence if you know someone really well. While I was in Oman, Mario and I were often like that; we never felt the need to talk to each other, although we often did just because we had such an affinity for one another. As for the home front, each day is different, bad and good all mixed together, but honestly nothing REALLY positive. Just a positive day thrown in here and there. I guess we’ll take what we can get. 🙂
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