What I Carried
I carried “just in case” scenarios in my
hat, gloves, rain poncho, and extra layers –
to guard against infringements
by unruly weather.
I carried useless things: the camera I thought I’d need
in case my iPhone died. The waterproof
notepad tucked in my turquoise pouch,
where memories wouldn’t be washed away.
I carried my fears in the neon orange
whistle slung over my shoulder — fears
of vicious dogs and lurking men, fears
of losing myself or losing my voice.
I carried respect for my feet in the jar of Vaseline
and the tiny pocketknife with the tiniest of scissors
to cut tape for blisters. Respect for my knees
in a knee sleeve and athletic tape. Respect
for my parched body in the water, sloshing heavily in a bladder
in my day pack. I carried my aching shoulders and bone-tired legs,
my snoring and frequent bathroom breaks, only because
it was impossible to leave them behind.
I carried my flyaway thoughts, my fickle memory,
my mistrust of strangers in the journal I never let out of my sight,
those pages that held close the moments of my days:
joys and sorrows, resentments and frustrations.
I carried my longing and dogged determination in the
Brierley guidebook’s torn-out pages, with their crowded
words, main and alternate routes, elevation maps, kilometers,
pilgrim hostels, cafés, and practical and mystical paths.
I carried my losses: my deceased mother and brother,
my distant and judgmental father, my unreachable son.
I carried my love for them all. I carried my failures, my selfishness,
my anger, intolerance, annoyance and impatience.
I carried my worries in my pack, in my heart, in my mind,
in my insomnia. Even after I rubbed them into a rock and
placed them at the foot of Cruz de Ferro, they stole back in,
thieves of my serenity.
I carried my solitude, guarded it even,
until some stranger’s kindness penetrated it.
I held tightly to my aloofness, even
when it served no purpose.
I carried my awe of coral sunrises, of cows, pigs, sheep and shepherds,
of Vespers and priests that laid their hands on my bowed head.
I carried blessings from those priests and stories shared by fellow pilgrims,
of lives brimming with suffering and hope.
Into churches, I carried my meager faith, sent my prayers – for my adult
children, my friends, my country – into the vortex of pleas from all pilgrims
through a thousand years, converging from naves, aisles, and cloisters and
spiraling into a sky turbulent with prayers.
I carried possibilities: that I could finish, be safe, discover a sense of wonder.
That I could learn to trust that my pilgrim prayers,
given weight in their mingle with a million others, might grow wings,
and just might save me, might save us all.
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“POETRY” Invitation: I invite you to write a poem of any poetic form on your own blog about a particular travel destination. Or you can write about travel in general. Concentrate on any intention you set for your poetry.
In this case, my intention was to write a poem about the things I carried on my pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago.
You can either set your own poetic intentions, or use one of the prompts I’ve listed on this page: writing prompts: poetry. (This page is a work in process). You can also include photos, of course.
Include the link in the comments below by Thursday, January 31 at 1:00 p.m. EST. When I write my post in response to this challenge on Friday, February 1, I’ll include your links in that post.
This will be an ongoing invitation, on the first Friday of each month. Feel free to jump in at any time. 🙂
I hope you’ll join in our community. I look forward to reading your posts!
I’m sure we all carry things, both real and in our minds, which are unnecessary. But you carried much that was useful as well, Cathy.
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Thanks so much, Carol. It was an interesting exercise to think about what I carried and why. 🙂
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Cathy, I could so relate to many of those “things you carried”. I can imagine that the walk would make a person more introspective. A friend and her sister in law did that walk in honour of her bro/husband.
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Thank you so much, Suzanne. I’m glad you could relate. Walking for many long hours every day, often in solitude, does make for some serious introspection, that’s for sure. I hope your friend’s walk was fulfilling for her and her sister. 🙂
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She found it a wonderful way to remember her brother and even now past 70 she walks quite long distances.
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I think walking is one of the best ways to stay in shape even into old age! It sounds like a wonderful tribute to her brother. 🙂
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Such a moving and beautiful piece of writing, Cathy and, though I did not walk with you, in so many ways I can empathise. Journey safely, my friend, as you acquire wisdom and self-knowledge. 🙂 🙂
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Thank you so much, Jo. It was a wonderful adventure that I often reflect on ever-so-fondly. 🙂
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A memorable and heartfelt post Cathy, digging deep into your feelings for all you carried with you both physically and mentally. Beautifully written in a poetic form that carried me along on your internal journey
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Thank you so much, Pauline, for reading and for your encouraging comment. I appreciate it so much. 🙂
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Truly moving. Your willingness to share your raw emotions in this poetic form is a gift to the people reading it. I admire both the writing and the ability to give voice to these feelings and wish I could do likewise. Alas, however, I do not have such gifts.
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Thank you so kindly, Mari. Because I was in solitude so much during nearly two months on the Camino, it led to much reflection. I thought of the subject of this poem a lot, as I opted much of the time to send my full backpack ahead, and to carry a lighter backpack that still seemed heavy! I’m glad you enjoyed my emotional/spiritual journey as well. 🙂
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Others have stolen my words so I shall just say “beautiful words, beautifully written”.
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Thanks so much, Jude! 🙂
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Well chosen words, Cathy!
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Thanks so much, Sue. 🙂
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😊
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Wow. Just … wow!! I found this so incredibly moving! It actually brought tears to my eyes!!! Cathy, you managed to put all 500 miles of the Camino and what you experienced into just a few lines of text and take us along for the entire emotional roller-coaster ride at the same time!! You left me breathless!! This is your finest work yet!!! You absolutely nailed it!! Such a powerful piece!! I absolutely loved it!! Wow! Wow!! Wow!!! What a trip!!!
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Thank you so much for reading, Mona Lisa, and for your kind and encouraging comments. I’m glad you enjoyed my poetic journey; I thought about this subject often as I opted for most of the Camino to ship my bag ahead; I carried a smaller (but still heavy) pack instead. I often think of writing a companion piece to this about what I didn’t carry! Thank you so much, as always, for your enthusiastic support. I haven’t written much poetry since 2001, so this year is the first year in a long time that I started dabbling again. 🙂
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As everyone else has so eloquently stated, we love this piece of work. The self introspection into your perceived faults makes this so real and so human and so unusual. Well done!!!
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Thank you, my darling husband, for your constant support. All my love. 🙂
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We carry so much, don’t we, in spite of the advice to let go. This is inspiring – you gave form to your experience and shined a different light on it. I bet you could approach it from ten different ways, and find more meaning each time. 🙂
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I have so many things I plan to write about the Camino that it will take me a good year to do all I want. I could as easily write a poem about what I didn’t carry, as I often reflected on why I decided, day after day, to send my backpack ahead and not to carry the full weight. I had my reasons for sure. All I carried, as I mention in this poem, was in a day pack, as my heavy pack went on each day without me. 🙂
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I like the practicalities, common sense and wisdom Cathy, an inspiring list!
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Thanks, Gilly. 🙂
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Oh I loved this!!!!. I also carried fears. I had a huge medicine bag with every eventuality…. I only ever needed an aspirin…. I now know for my next camino I can leave some of those fears (physical/social etc) behind (hopefully for ever). xxxxxx
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I’m so glad you liked it, Kate. That means a lot coming from a fellow pilgrim. I brought so much foot stuff and rarely used any of it because I was lucky enough only to have one small blister. I also didn’t carry my backpack, opting to send it ahead almost the entire time, as you might remember. So these things I carried were just in my day pack – remember the red one? – and in my heart and mind. 🙂 I think you’re right, if we did the Camino again, we’d leave a lot behind, wouldn’t we? Any chance you’ll do it, or another route, again? 🙂 Hugs to you! xxx
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